Take Two Aspirins and Call me in the Morning
by ho.wide.world
Summary: The life of a prankster isn't easy, a professional like Umino Iruka knows, that's why it’s always important to have your own personal medical ninja... in training. [KabutoxIruka.. for short KabuIru...?]


**Summary:** The life of a prankster isn't easy, a professional like Umino Iruka knows, that's why it's always important to have your own personal medical ninja... in training.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own a thing.

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**Take Two Aspirins and Call me in the Morning**

The ageing leader of Konoha gnarled the end of his pipe with his dentures. He looked at the four little idiots and their leader who instigated such chaos and stood nervously before him. The leader of the troupe stood awkwardly on his feet, favouring his left side, which made sense his right leg, was sprinkled with fresh burns. The Third Hokage shook his head, his wide brimmed hat shadowing his eyes and decided to continue his _'chewing out'_. "And after you took the exploding tags from the weapons supply office... why did you decide to plant them in your classroom?" Sandaime growled his eyes raking over a cringing Touji Mizuki, a sooty Mitarashi Anko, a bleeding from the nose Kamizuki Izumo and a weeping Hagane Kotetsu (his mother was going to have kittens when she found out what he had done). Finally his gaze rested on a stubborn Umino Iruka cherry red burns covering the right side of his torso.

He didn't receive an answer as the children decided to look anywhere but at him, their hides tingling from the knowing sting of their mothers' steel palms against their backsides... except Iruka who no longer had to fear such a wrath from his late mother. "_Well_." the Sandaime stressed already aware it was mainly Iruka at fault but turned to Mizuki the oldest and the only ninja graduate of the group.

The silver haired boy eyes widened as he gulped and stiffened his shoulders throwing a glare in the scarred nose boy's direction. "Well, Hokage-sama... sir... what we were trying to do..." the boy trailed off as he exhaled large breathes and pointed at his injured friend, "It was ALL Iruka's fault!" The genin exclaimed while the other's nodded furiously.

Iruka merely snorted and rolled his eyes. There _was_ truth in Mizuki's words though. He was the one who took the exploding tag and came up with the hair brained idea of planting it in the classroom... however the others were just as eager to go along with the plan. The brunette held no ill will towards his friends its not like the gang hasn't already played the _'All Iruka's fault'_ card on him before.

The leader of Konoha sniffed and nodded; done with the four underlings he waved them out of his office. His tired eyes fixed on the stubborn and sulking brat before him. The door closed with a _thud!_ and Iruka stiffened the previous _'chewing out'_ was nothing compared to when Sandaime was really mad. "Iruka, I thought we _had_ a talk about you giving up your ways."

The academy student rubbed the scar on his face. "I did... I'm not doing pranks for the attention... well sometimes I do but mainly just for fun and to make people... _oh_ I dunno... make them mor-- more happy." the trickster defended lamely as the Hokage puffed from his pipe, his brows were knitted in confusion.

"I see and how would planting explosive tags in your classroom make people _happy_?" The Sandaime questioned a small growl on the tip of his tongue as he leaned back in his chair. The leader of Konoha was careful Iruka could be very manipulative but also a very compassionate boy, the hard part was picking if he was fibbing or being honest.

The boy grinned, all pearly white teeth. Iruka had such a bright smile... manipulative brat perhaps? "Well," the boy began obnoxiously, "Hanai-sensei was going to give the class an extra long essay today meaning everyone would have to stay inside instead of going outside to play a very cool, refreshing _and _educational session of water balloon tag." the boy explained with a nod. "Besides Hanai-sensei loves to play with us even if he doesn't admit it and he doesn't want to mark essays... his family looks lonely when he stays to work late at school."

Sarutobi, the fabled Professor of Konoha flicked up the wide brimmed hat that covered his eyes and stared at the grinning boy... perhaps the kid was just a compassionate fool, a very big fool. One of the many problems with Iruka, Sandaime concluded was that the boy thinks he's cute and not just because of his looks.

Rubbing his mild burns Iruka smirked at his Hokage. "Besides Sandaime-sama, you even told me you thought it was very funny when I dumped paint all over that... _hmm_ what was his name... _ahh_ Homura-sama's head." Iruka purred a soft chuckle shaking his fame as he remembered the event.

Sandaime sniffed, scratch that the boy _knows_ he's cute. The leader of Konoha had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from chuckling out loud. _'Come to think of it, Homura was flaunting his power as a Council member and being more bothersome than usual that day.' _

The Third shook his head and glared mildly at the boy. "Iruka..." he began ready to scold but decided against it, the boy truly made him feel old and tired with his antics. "Iruka... just go get yourself fixed at the hospital, you and the others have detention for a month and don't let me catch you doing anything out of order again. Do you understand." he barked.

The scarred nose boy wrinkled his nose and frowned at his Hokage but bowed his head none the less. "Don't you give me that look young man; you know you could have seriously hurt someone." The leader of Konoha said clearly hoping it reached the boy's ears and didn't go out the other.

Iruka stiffened before heading out of Sarutobi's office and glared at his leader. "_Never_. I never allow one of my-- I would never allow anyone to get hurt." the Umino brat growled his shoulders proud and straight as he limped awkwardly out of the office. He pushed past his friends who were littered on the floor they previously had their ears against the office doors and were jolted when it burst open a few moments ago.

The Third puffed a cloud of smoke that curled from his pipe as he mulled over the boy's final words. It was true Iruka was the only one to gain any real damage from the failed prank (Izumo had tripped over his own feet and damaged his nose). Out of all the failed pranks and tricks Iruka had performed he was _always_ the only one to gain any pain.

As he watched the boy's back disappear around the corner, a small smile crept upon Sandaime's lips and he resisted the urge to go over and pat the boy on the head.

_'He may just make a fine ninja, after all.'_

:p:

Umino Iruka limped slowly down the streets his ears alert to the sound of following footsteps. He had dismissed his friends' presence with a grunt he was a little annoyed at them and himself for failing so miserably and looking so stupid in front of the Third. _'He didn't have to look at me like that... so disappointed.'_ the boy pouted as he stopped in front of a clean looking house. Not even remotely close to the hospital.

Iruka didn't care for the hospital. It smelled funny and the food was terrible, plus the clean pristine white hurt his eyes and did nothing to prepare him for the screams and tears from broken families. Iruka felt his stomach churn... perhaps the fire Sandaime spoke with him about was flickering.

The academy student shook his head and knocked striking up a tune from a very annoying commercial jingle. No one answered. The boy sniffed and glared at his burns they were really beginning to ache and he blinked back the tears gathering in his eyes.

"_C'mon_ Kabuto, I know you're home!" Iruka shouted and was met with a silent door. A few moments later the door opened and Iruka stepped inside, irritated but very relieved.

:p:

"Second degree burns, none look too serious." deft fingers glided over pink and puffy skin, "How_ did_ this happen Iruka-san?" Yakushi Kabuto asked mildly curious as he once again probed the boy's bare chest and balanced the medical textbook on his lap.

The brunette shrugged and winced when it caused the very red looking blister on his shoulder to burst. "I got hold of an exploding tag." Iruka explained simply as the white haired boy nodded his head, the frames on his face falling down the bridge of his nose.

"Iruka-san." Yakushi began, "I've never treated a burn victim befor--" Kabuto was interrupted as the older boy gave him a very plain look.

"Does it matter, your training to be a medical ninja, well I need medical attention." The Umino brat reasoned as he felt a headache coming. "Besides its not like you _don't_ like using me as your _guinea-pig_." the prankster growled. He had already seen through Kabuto's coy act as an innocent doctor that just wanted to help a fellow comrade in need.

The young medical student eyes widened beneath his frames for a moment or two but he regained his calm composure and smirked at his patient. "_Hmm_, you're not as dumb as you look Iruka-san, I may just have to change the information on one of my cards on you." The white haired youth mumbled as he took a final peak at the instructions for healing burn victims.

The scarred nosed boy scoffed as he relaxed his body. "You're _still_ doing that... Kabuto you really need a life." He gave his doctor a very pointed look, "I want ramen for dinner after this little operation." the youth demanded as he could feel the chakra gathering in the younger boy's palms.

"And you need to stop getting into trouble... but I do _love_ experimenting on you." The medical ninja smiled as he began the procedure deciding to skip the part of numbing Iruka's pain receptors in the damaged area... he did prefer it when the cocky older boy squirmed. "Yakushi-sama ate the last of the ramen so it'll be rice and grilled salmon for dinner."

Iruka frowned he wanted pork rib ramen instead of smelly fish; Kabuto _always_ seemed to burn the fish.

:p:

For the most part the procedure was a success, Iruka's skins was smooth if a little pink to his brown flesh on his right torso but the pink would be gone in a few days. Kabuto had told him if there were any more problems he should _'Take two aspirins and contact him in the morning.'_

Iruka told his doctor he _wasn't _funny.

:p:

Iruka was spending a very dull afternoon weekend at home. He figured the best way to stay out of trouble was when he was at home rotting his mind with television. Besides he was getting very good ideas from watching silly cartoons with talking animals that had anvils dropped on their heads but got up fine.

A chorus of frantic poundings on his door got the boy jumping as he stumbled towards his door, wrenched it open (his parents would be displeased... he's supposed to check who it is first) and there stood a pale faced Izumo shivering like a wet chick.

"Izumo, what's the ma--" the brunette was interrupted as his friend barged into him gripping him tight by the shoulders.

"Iruka! Iruka, its Kotetsu!" the boy shouted as he began to shake the brunette a little. The scarred nosed boy eyes widened as he set his jaw and urged his friend to calm down with gentle pats to the back. When that wasn't working he punched Kamizuki in the stomach.

"Now Izumo, take me to Kotetsu." the brown skinned boy said calmly and clearly as his friend wheezed but shakily took him to their distressed comrade.

:p:

"Oh my god." Iruka breathed. There really was no other word to describe it as he saw Kotetsu weeping near the entrance to their secret hideaway hidden deep within the many forests that littered around Konoha. The shaggy haired boy's lips looked busted and chewed through but that was the least of his problems. **Kotetsu had a damn shuriken jutting out his closed left eye.**

"Iruka." the boy cried tearfully as both Izumo and Iruka ran over to him. The prankster was a bit touched that his friends had come running to him in their time of need, instead of the smarter choices like Mizuki or Anko or _an adult_... but this was a little too much for him to handle.

The scarred nosed youth rounded on Kamizuki, "Izumo, why didn't you take him to the hospital!?" Iruka yelled while his friend cringed backwards looking shame-faced.

"I tried; he wouldn't budge, keeps moaning about his mom, says she'll kill him when she learns that he got a shuriken in the eye after he stole the damn thing from his dad's closet and then _stupidly_ began to play with it!" Izumo shouted and pointed at his bawling friend.

The Umino brat rubbed Kotetsu's shoulders not sure what to say. He remembered Kotetsu's mother's she was like _his mother_, they got along quite well and Iruka knew that Kotetsu was better off rotting here in the forest than going to the hospital and explaining the situation to his mother.

With a nod to his two friends the prankster tore away from Kotetsu's clinging hold. "Izumo help him up, we need to get moving and we have to be quick so no one notices."

"Wh-- where are we going... not the hospital" Hagane hiccupped as more tears welled up in his undamaged eye and trickled down his red cheek.

"Were going to _my_ doctor, o' course."

:p:

"A shuriken in the eye... here I was thinking you must be the biggest idiot in Konoha but then I heard you were just one of Iruka-san's friends." Kabuto snubbed as he examined the red-eyed Kotetsu. The boy had stopped crying claiming that he could barely feel the pain anymore. Izumo and Iruka were not sure if that was a good or a bad thing and quickly got him to the doctor's place.

"Not funny Kabuto," Iruka hissed as he pointed at Hagane, "So can you fix his eye?" the brown skinned boy inquired while he kept Kamizuki from wandering around a stranger's home. It was impolite to do it when the stranger was in the same room. Good ninjas wander around a home when the stranger is gone or asleep or tied up and shackled.

"Maybe, getting the weapon out will be easy repairing the eye is my greatest concern." the white haired ninja explained as his hands glided over the lodged shuriken. The brunette tensed he would hurt Kabuto real bad if he decided to cruelly tug on the weapon just to see Kotetsu's reaction.

"Well, if you succeed, you will have _two_ new guinea-pigs." Iruka said adding on some incentive for the medical ninja. His two friends gave him a very confused look.

The youth with the glasses nodded his head as he flipped through two medical texts a big picture of an eye on the front. "Yes, I always wanted to try more techniques that involved the healing of the internal organs and if one you dies during the experiment I can go onto the next patient." Kabuto laughed at his own private joke.

Iruka laughed with him hoping he was joking and if he wasn't... he hoped he experimented on Kotetsu and Izumo first.

:p:

Iruka shovelled more pumpkin rice into his mouth. He didn't much care for the taste but he decided it was much better Iruka cringed, than _mixed rice_. He could still remember the foul taste. He turned to Izumo who was drinking a cup of green tea and watching Kotetsu cling to Kabuto and thank him like a raving loon.

_'How about thanking the friend that brought you here, Kotetsu. Sheesh.' _Iruka complained inwardly as he slowly chewed his rice and threw Hagane a glare. The glare went unnoticed.

Kabuto smoothed the shaggy mane on the clingy boy's head. "Oh, you're very welcome Kotetsu-san, and if you have any more trouble don't be a stranger now... and that goes for you too Izumo-san." the medical student said kindly as he threw a smile towards the boy sipping timidly from a cup. "Of course if I ever need further help with my studies I hope you will also come to my aid... Iruka will fill you in." the boy purred the round frames on his face glinting.

The prankster muttered a few choice words under his breath as he finished off his bowl of rice and quickly placed it in the sink. "I think we'll be leaving now Kabuto," the scarred nose boy said as he grabbed his two friends and began to drag them to the door. Wanting to punish Kabuto a little Iruka threw him an innocent look. "Say hello to your _Dad_ for me."

The spectacled youngster said nothing but did tilt his chin up and coughed, Iruka was treading on very delicate ground. "I will pass it on to _Yakushi-sama_ when he returns home." the boy muttered while Iruka opened the door and pushed Kotetsu and Izumo out of the house.

The brown skinned boy wanted to tell the medical ninja he was lucky to have a father even if he was not his blood related father... as long as he was alive it was fine, but he wisely held his tongue. "Kabuto." Iruka began softly and seriously gaining the full attention from the younger boy. "I just wanted to say thank you for helping Kotetsu an-- and me too all those times." the academy student muttered and clenched his fist so he didn't rub his scar in embarrassment.

The white haired ninja turned his back on the Umino brat, a wry smirk stretching across his pale face. "Of course Iruka-san, you are my _dear_ patient after all." he breathed softly with a tiny edge that Iruka did not pick up.

The brunette smiled, "I am, aren't I." he muttered as he stepped out of the door joining his two friends both looking impatient and ready to get going. "See you later, doctor." Iruka crowed as he and the others began to walk off but stopped as Kabuto called out to them.

_"Now Kotetsu-san, if there's any problems..."_ Iruka winced, _"take two aspirins and call me in the morning." _

Iruka groaned and muttered under his breath._ "That joke is _**_really _**_getting old."_

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**Author's Rant:** I churned out another story… and this time it's with Yakushi Kabuto and Umino Iruka, another pairing you've probably rarely seen, personally I haven't seen any. So I decided to change that, nothing concrete sexual or friendship-wise but they do have connection. They have the infamous patient-doctor (the doctor being a bit on the sadistic side) relationship. For the NaruIru fans check out my new multi-chapter story called 'Interlude' (It also has KakaIru and a surprise pairing that I've only seen written once). Thanks for reading my rant. 


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